this is me what are you? better dig hard you only got once chance to be it

june 26 2008

Today i sat down and thought about everything in my life

aug is comeing up soon and i dont know how im going to be able to handle it. it will be one year exactly from when i lost my nefew……alot has happened but it still feels like just yesterday i was siting next to him jokeing around about how much he had grown…….everytime i think about it i tear up and the pain comes back so i avoid all conversations about him but something tells me on the aniversery of his death i will not be so privlaged to avoid the topic. i dont want to face his death anymore then my own. i dont want to get anymore flashbacks of when i had to see his pale face lying in the coffin how he didnt look like himself at all it  still seems fake sometimes i wish it was some very cruel joke …ur never scared of death untill someone close to you dies i never want to wish this on anyone not even my worse enemy  i dont know maby i should leave for a month and then come back so i dont have to face all the conversations and akward moments im going to go thru in the comeing months…….im too scared im still too hurt.